I have Stonehall'd all. Stonehalled-all.

Dixie currently feels:

 Unknown

 

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I don't know how I feel right now.

 

I'm partially pleased, because I managed to get another 100% on Hard on Guitar Hero 3.

I'm partially glad, because I've finished my Science coursework.

I'm partially dreading, because tonight is the final night of the Easter holidays.

 

I'm partially lonely, depressed, suicidal, alone, desparate, needing, upset, worried and nervous - my darling Emily needs me, and I need her...

 

 

I was woken up by a DOOR this morning.

The window was open in my mam's room, and it was blowing the door, which kept banging open and shut again. I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep, but it did my head in.

So I woke up and tried to ignore it.

 

Then I snapped, went and slammed the window, slammed the door, and sat down on my bed and sighed at the wonderful silence.

 

 

I went downstairs to make myself some lunch.

I made some mini cheeseburgers.

 

They're so cute.

The buns are soft, the meat is tender, and the cheese is a wonderous processed plastic-y sort of cheese.

 

They're about an inch and a half in diameter - and I eat them in two medium bites, or three small bites.

 

I ate those, and some Fridge Raiders, and some Monster Munch - as I watched some KUA.

 

Then Stephen came online, saying he finally had wi-fi, and he wanted to play on GH3 with me.

He insisted we do an Easy pro-face off.

 

I groaned so loud.

 

But he wanted to do TTFAF.

So I picked Raining Blood - and got 99%.

 

Then we did TTFAF, and I got 99% again.

He wasn't expecting me to do that well - so he was sad.

 

I was annoyed at hearing that - I'M ON EXPERT.

 

A phrase I often use now.

 

"Yeah but... I'M ON EXPERT!" - When a Medium player beats me on a face-off.

"Yeah but... I'M ON EXPERT!" - When someone insults my abilities, when they can't play Expert themselves.

"Yeah but, know what? I'm on EXPERT." - A quick way to own someone in an argument.

 

 

 

Then I lay on my bed for a while, listening to music - mainly Maximum The Hormone - watching more KUA, eating chocolate mousse, and attempting to draw something, which I gave up on.

 

Then I did my Science coursework, sorted out my backpack, and went to relax on GH3.

 

Then my darling Emily came on, and we played  a 5-match co-op, me on bass.

 

 

I shan't say that I miss Emily - because she's not actually gone.

She's still there, thinking about me... I hope.

 

If Emily did forget me without a trace, I'd slit my throat right there and then.

It's the biggest fear that weighs over my head.

 

Tomorrow, I'm going to be absorbed in myself.

Holding conversations with Emily in my mind.

Thinking of her, gazing at her photo in my planner.

 

I'll sit down my aisle at lunch and write poems for her.

Anything that takes her off my mind is not worth thinking about.

 

 

Emily darling...

We're going to have to be patient this time...

We'll have to wait things out...

 

Please don't forget any of the words I spoke with you...

Any of the files I shared with you.

Any of the secrets I told to you.

Any of the memories we hold together...

 

I love you Emily... And I always will do.

 

Don't ever lose sight of that, my darling.

 

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Today's song lyrics:

 

When You're Gone - Avril Lavinge

I've never felt this way before...
Everything that I do reminds me of you...
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor...
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do...

When you walk away I count the steps that you take...
Do you see how much I need you right now...?

 

When you're gone...
The pieces of my heart are missing you...
When you're gone...
The face I came to know is missing too...
When you're gone...
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok...

I miss you...